The Waitress with a PhD
Why artists need empty space — and what to do when you don’t have any.
An artist must have a clear head. A clear mind. A clear energy body. A clear physical body.
Without that clarity, the channels for creativity get blocked. And when the channels are blocked, the art can’t come through.
So I started thinking: what disrupts those channels? What gets in the way — physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually?
The first answer is obvious: stress.
Stress of any kind. Overworking. Doing too many things that are too difficult for too long. A job that’s too intense, too demanding, takes up too much time. Or caretaking — being a parent, caring for a sick loved one, teaching a classroom so chaotic you spend more time refereeing than teaching.
And then there’s the stress of certain relationships.
The People Who Take More Than They Give
We call them by all kinds of names. Abusive. Narcissistic. Difficult. Toxic. Julia Cameron called them “crazy makers” in her book “The Artist’s Way.”
But when you break it down to the simplest definition, it’s this: a person who takes more than they give.
And you know what that feels like.
The problem is, when you have a person like this in your life, it’s usually because you haven’t been able to put up enough boundaries. Which usually means you’re an empath. Highly sensitive. Highly forgiving. You don’t see their behavior as flaws — you see them as imperfect people who need extra care and love. And you see yourself as responsible for giving it to them.
These kinds of relationships destroy your ability to create.
Because you need those channels for your mind. You need time to live in your own imagination. That’s where the ideas come from. And when other people are taking up all your time, energy, and thoughts, there’s no room left for your own creativity.
The Missing Ingredient
An artist also needs time.
If your life is packed to the brim — responsibilities stacked on top of responsibilities — there’s never going to be time to create.
You do the best you can. If that means one hour in the morning before everyone wakes up to work on your novel, so be it. If it means using your commute to sing the song you’re working on, so be it.
(And if you’re a parent — I see you. Parenting is parenting. That’s not something you sacrifice. You do the best you can with the time you have, and you find the cracks of space where creativity can breathe.)
But let’s not pretend this feels like a fair trade.
Because here’s what’s missing: time to daydream.
Artists need time to daydream. That’s where creativity lives — in the empty space. And if every minute is filled with tasks, demands, other people’s drama, there’s no room for the wandering mind that makes art possible.
What’s the Solution?
This is where it gets uncomfortable.
People want to hear something soft. Something like: It’s not a big deal. Keep living your life the way you’re living it. Everything will work out.
But that’s not how it works.
Being an artist requires sacrifice.
There’s no way around it. An artist has to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
The Waitress with a PhD
I once met a waitress in Houston, Texas. She was serving us at a cool Italian restaurant, and we started talking about art.
It turned out she was a painter. With a PhD in art. She had been a professor at Rice University. Doing quite well.
And then one day, she quit. She decided to trade in her professorship for a job waiting tables so that she could have the headspace to spend most of her time painting.
I was stunned.
She was doing something most people would never have the guts to do. Despite what her ego must have put her through — quitting a prominent, coveted job in academia to serve her own art.
She became my hero.
I tell everyone this story. Because that’s what an artist does. When you finish a shift waiting tables, you leave the job behind. You don’t take your work home with you. You can make decent money in four to six hours. And then you have the rest of the day to create.
That’s what I mean by sacrifice.
What I Sacrificed
I was in a relationship with someone who was sucking all the air out of my life.
He had something to say about everything. He nitpicked the songs I was writing. He didn’t like me playing music with men because he was jealous. He wanted me to dress a certain way. Eat a certain way. All the things that represented who I am as a creative person — he wanted to control.
You can’t create like that.
When the time came to finally get serious about my music, I realized I was going to have to let that relationship go.
It was hard. We had a comfortable life together. It was the first time in my life I felt comfortable financially. I knew starting over would be difficult. I knew I’d probably have to go backwards in terms of material comfort.
But I asked myself: Am I really going to spend the rest of my life being controlled like this? Not given enough space or permission to be an artist?
Am I going to be happy with this decision 10 years from now? 20 years from now?
What happens when I’m 70 years old and I haven’t released a single album because I spent my adult life with someone so insecure and controlling?
And just like that, I was done.
I moved out as soon as I could.
It was a very difficult thing to do. But that’s what I mean by sacrifice.
The Hard Questions
The artist's path is a rigorous, serious, spiritual path.
It’s not for the faint of heart. It’s for the ones willing to choose themselves.
So ask yourself:
What is robbing me of my creative force?
What is getting in the way of my channels?
What is keeping me in a constant state of tension that makes it impossible to get creative ideas — and then act on them?
What is taking up so much of my time that I can’t create the things I want to create?
What can I do differently?
How can I make art a priority in my life?
If you don’t care that much about being an artist, none of this applies. Keep living the way you’ve been living.
But if there’s a void in you...
If something chokes you up every time you think about the creative path. If you feel like you’re missing out because you have all these ideas and you haven’t done anything with them. If you see someone creating and feel envy and sadness. If you go to a play and long to be on that stage, or walk through a gallery and wish your art was hanging there...
You know you’re an artist. And your artist is dying to get out and be free.
This is who I’m talking to.
The Truth
It’s bad news for a lot of people. It’s disruptive. It’s hard. It’s difficult to make sacrifices.
But life is actually pretty long.
And you have to ask yourself:
How do I actually want to live my life?
Who do I actually want to be?
Am I being who I really am?
What do I actually want to do with my time here on Earth?
💙 Bella
✍️ Journal Prompt
What is robbing you of your creative force? What sacrifice might you need to make?
🎤 Work With Me
Private 1:1 voice healing sessions — find where the tension lives and release it together.
→ Book an intro session: https://calendly.com/hello-bellapayne/75
💙 Join the Community
The Healthy Voice Community — live sessions, video library, and a space to heal together.
→ https://the-healthy-voice-community.circle.so/untitled-page
✨ Unsilenced
Journaling helped me find words for things I couldn’t say. 52 weeks of prompts to reclaim your voice.
→ Get it - $22: https://rawveganbella.substack.com/p/unsilenced-a-year-of-journaling-back
📖 Singing Through the Shadows
A memoir in essays and songs. The stories behind the songs I wrote when I couldn’t speak.
→ Chapter 1 is FREE: www.thehealthyvoicewrites.com
Thank you for these thought provoking questions. I might add that material clutter is draining, too. Creativity benefits from physical breathing room as well as mental, emotional and spiritual space. Glad you mention Julia Cameron. I still take myself on Artist Dates occasionally but not in ages. Might be time to do that again.